Eulogy for Joseph Cardamone

Given by his Daughter Michele Cardamone Ramos

My Uncle Tony and I talked about which of us would do dad's eulogy. We finally decided that both of us should be prepared in case one of us got choked up. Upon reflection, my dad would have like that because he was always well prepared and had a backup plan. Dad was prepared in life and he was prepared for his death.

As I go through his Eulogy, I will talk about his birth, his life, and his death and I reflect on what I think may be most important.

His Birth

Dad had a humble beginning. He was born in Brooklyn , New York of an immigrant Italian family. His mother and father came over from Italy and spoke Italian in their home. Being a second generation immigrant, Dad paved the way for himself and his three brothers to learn English and the customs of this country. Dad was the oldest of three brothers – Anthony, Frankie, and Michael. He also had a sister, but she died when she was only three.

Dad was born with a club foot. For those of you who do not know, that meant that his foot was turned around backwards. Dad had the 1st [or one of the very first] successful operations and his foot turned out perfect ... so much so that it was written up in the medical journals.

His Life

I mentioned that dad was the oldest of three brothers. His youngest brother Michael was 17 years younger than Dad. My father took care of Uncle Michael as a son and that started a pattern of dad being a care taker which would extend to many people throughout the years.

Dad went to Brooklyn College and got a degree in Chemistry. He was incredibly smart and had well organized mind. I am blessed that he passed along this trait of organized thinking to me. It is amazing how similarly we think about many subjects and decisions. Dad worked at the Brooklyn Navy Yard as a materials engineering technician.

Mom and Dad met on a blind date when she was just 18 and he was 25. Dad was quite the gentleman as Mom can attest ... not only through their dating, but throughout the years. Just a few months after they started dating, Dad gave my mother a friendship ring. It was a perfect circle with little hearts all around it. She always said that he spoke the most beautiful and romantic words when he gave her this ring. With that ring, he gave her 3 promises:

-- First, a promise that they would soon become engaged

-- Second, a promise that he would remain faithful through their marriage

-- Third, a more private promise that he would remain faithful to God.

Dad kept each of these promises. No long thereafter, he proposed to my Mother and they were married on August 18, 1956. They were then blessed with two children – Rosemarie (the oldest) and me (Michele, 2 years later).

We were blessed with the best father and husband. He set many traditions that we still carry today. When we were children and afraid to go to the doctors, dad always made sure that we stopped on the way home to get a little toy or candy to make it a more pleasant experience. Similarly, whenever we went to a funeral, we stopped on the way home to get ice cream. Speaking of food, Dad loved the culinary arts and loved to cook and bake. He was a collector of cookbooks and good recipes and always shared with me.

Dad was always there for us and even selected his friends carefully. He ensured that they were family-oriented and would include us in their activities. He seldom went out with the boys, but rather got our families together for various functions. He always let each of us know how proud he was of us.

When Dad's job got transferred from New York to Maryland, Dad and about 10 of his closest friends from work (to include Nicky Brescia sitting in front with Mom) decided to come down to Maryland first to see if this was a good place to bring their families. Together, they rented about 4 apartments and basically slept in bunk beds for a couple of months before they made their decision to permanently move. This was a big decision because we would be the very first to leave our extended family in New York . This group of Italian New York men stood out in the community and they basically brought Little Italy to Glen Burnie , Maryland . During this period, Dad came home every weekend to be with us – again showing his commitment to his family and wanting to do what would be best for us.

Dad was actively involved in St. John the Evangelist Catholic Church. He often worked behind the scenes and was an usher for many years. He was also a member of the Renew Group and Little Rock Scripture. Both of these were Bible Study Groups which no doubt served to strengthen his faith and would later prepare him for his passage from life to death to an everlasting life with our Lord.

Dad loved to dance. If you ever wanted to see Dad lighten up, just mention dancing. Dad was involved in a number of senior centers ( Arnold , Pascal, Pasadena , and South County ). He danced at each of them and participated and volunteered at various activities. He was also a member of the Moose and the Sons of Italy.

It was in his retirement year that Dad got more involved in these senior centers. I am grateful that he did for two reasons. First, the people at these centers became part of his circle of closest friends and it gave him many activities to keep him busy. Second, when he brought Mom there, it opened up a whole new world for her. Before then, she was a housewife and did not do a lot of social activities without Dad. Once she joined the Senior Center , she became actively involved in painting, ceramics, line-dancing, and tap-dancing. She too found new friends in this community.

In the last year and a half, we celebrated three big events together as a family. I think of these as three gifts that Dad gave to Mom, Rosemarie, and me.

· To Mom -- A year and a half ago, we celebrated Mom and Dad's 50th Anniversary. A lot of planning went into it & we had a great time with all of the Cardamone's.

· To Me (Michele) -- A year ago almost to the day of Dad's passing, my Dad was able to walk me down the aisle for my wedding with Michael Ramos (my husband). Dad was actively involved in many of the arrangements, particularly the beautiful engagement party that he hosted. We had a special Father/Daughter dance that I will never forget (We danced to the song "I loved her first").

· To Rosemarie -- Lastly, we celebrated my sister Rosemarie's 50th birthday about 6 months ago. This was another very nice celebration that I am sure she also treasures.

His Death

I want to thank everyone for their prayers. After 5 months of suffering and struggle, Dad's final days were painless and peaceful. His prayers to be able to die with dignity and grace were answered. Given that Dad was such a worrier all throughout his life, it was amazing to see the peace that he had in his passing. I also want to thank Bob Ragu who brought Dad the Eucharist regularly during Dad's last weeks /months of life. I believe this was spiritual food and nourished him for his journey.

We were very fortunate that Dad died at Anne Arundel Medical Center in Annapolis with the support of the wonderful doctors and nurses at the hospital as well as the caring staff of hospice. He was surrounded by many loving care-givers and his family (Mom, Rosemarie, me and my husband Mike).

When I think about Dad's final days, three characteristics stand out in my mind:

· Humility – About a week before Dad died, he had to leave the room for a test. While he was on another floor, a man asked him why he was in the hospital. Dad said that he had Leukemia. Then the man asked the prognosis. Dad said "Not good ... I probably just have a few days left". With good intention, the man asked Dad, "Do you know where you will go after you die?" I always find this to be a difficult question and have never heard a good answer. If you say, "I am going to heaven," that seems presumptuous and takes away the will of God. If you say, "I don't know", you sound like a lost sheep. But Dad had the perfect answer -- "I hope the Lord finds me worthy to be in His kingdom forever". WOW! Then this man said to Dad "With an answer like that, I am sure that you will be going to Heaven". Those words truly gave Dad comfort.

· Courage – Dad battled cancer for almost five months – I suspect he battled it more for his family than himself. It was a tough battle, but there were short periods of encouragement. It also gave him time to prepare himself and his family. However, after three founds of trial chemotherapy with Johns Hopkins Hospital and when his white and red blood cells as well as neutraphils were down to zero, his cancer returned. While the hospital staff told us there was nothing more they could do since his body was so weakened from the chemotherapy, they continued giving him blood transfusions and platelets. After talking to a Priest to ensure that his decision would be within keeping with our faith, he told us and the doctors that he did not want any more extraordinary means to artificially delay death and wished to die of natural causes. If that is not courage, I do not know what is. His mind was still sharp and he knew what that would ultimately mean.

· Gratitude – I have no doubt that Dad was grateful to my mother who stayed by his side almost day and night for the last week of his life. She stayed up all night with him because he could not sleep. Likewise, I'm sure that he was grateful to all 3 of his brothers who came in from out of town to see him days before he died. And finally, I am sure that he was grateful to my sister and me who held each of his hands all night long before he died.

Earlier, I mentioned 3 gifts that he gave Mom, Rosemarie, and me in the last year and a half. I'd like to wrap up with 5 gifts that gave in the last days of his life. As I share them with you, you will see that he extended these gifts to a broader circle than just his immediate family.

· To Mom – About one week before he died, I bought a Mother's Day card for Dad to give Mom. I asked him to write her a letter that she could cherish forever. He dictated to me the most beautiful letter – one that looked backwards over their life together and focused on all of the happy memories. It was awesome. Mom was in the room while he dictated to me.

· To Rosemarie – The night that Mom got that letter, Rosemarie said to me "I want a letter from Dad too" At this point, he was so close to death, I didn't think that he would have strength to do this. Nevertheless, the next morning while we were at the hospital, I asked Rosemarie to leave the room and I asked Dad if he could please use his last ounce of energy to do this. Dad agreed and, in his own handwriting, wrote her a beautiful letter. Since he always knew what each of us would need, her letter was forward looking and discussed how she could move forward without him. It was very spiritual.

· To me (Michele) – A couple days before he died, hospice gave us a book that talked about what holds people back from passing from this life to the next. It said two things: 1) Fear of what would happen after they die and 2) the thoughts of unfinished business. About 24 hours before he died, I asked him these two questions and I think these were actually the last words he ever spoke before he went into a coma-like state. First, I asked "Dad, do you have any fear of what will happen after you die?" He said, "Michele, I have none." Although I expected that answer based on conversations that we had, it was still comforting. Second, I asked "Dad, do you have any concerns of unfinished business?" I was a bit more concerned with this question since I think I would not have gotten the answer I wanted had I asked it a few days earlier. Dad replied, "Michele, I have no concerns of unfinished business here". With that, Dad gave me the gift of peace.

· To his brothers – About a half an hour before he died, Dad's brother Tony called. He told me that his son Michael (Dad's Godson who will be doing the first reading) had a dream that Grandma was waiting for Dad. I told Uncle Tony that Dad was in a coma-like state for about 24 hours now, but the doctors and nurses tell us they believe that he can still hear. Being acutely aware of any slight actions, I noticed that over the last 24 hours, Dad would stop breathing ever time that we talked about something of significance. It seemed as though while he may have been able to hear slightly, he could only hear clearly if he stopped breathing. I spoke loud and clear into Dad's ear and told him that Uncle Tony was on the phone and put the phone to his ear. Dad immediately stopped breathing for what seemed like a long time. When he resumed breathing, I pulled the phone away and asked Uncle Tony if he was done. He said yes. I asked him to call his two other brother to do the same. After I hung up, my heart sank. Dad stopped breathing with no apparent reason about 5 times for over a minute each time. We held our breath waiting for him to take his next. Then the phone rang. It was Uncle Michael and he had a chance to say last words. And quickly, the phone rang again, it was Uncle Frankie. He too was able to say last words. Immediately, after Dad heard from all 3 of his brothers, his body seemed to decline more rapidly than before and within 10 minutes, he took his last breath and never another.

· To all – I told you earlier that he would give 5 gifts in his last days and I believe this last one is for all of us. Throughout his entire battle with cancer and even into his final days, Dad said "I will be with you always in spirit and want to meet again in heaven." He reminded us that "If we are prepared, God will keep his everlasting promise of salvation to each of us" He also said that "It is never too late to start a true relationship with God". So in ending, just like Dad paved the way for his brothers to learn English and American customs, I believe that he was trying to pave a way to each of us in our own spiritual journey.

I hope and pray that Dad's soul will live in peace. I believe it will since I was inspired to sing a song to Dad shortly before he died -- "My soul is longing for the glory of you ... O hear O Lord and answer me." I believe Dad's soul is no more longing, but has seen the glory of God. I pray that all of Dad's prayers for each of us will be answered in time.